Woman Struggles to Survive Domestic Violence

Part 4 By Dion Evans, Religion Editor As we began to recount last week, Shaunte´s horrifying experiences put a face on struggle of a woman to survive domestic violence.  This is a true story – the names were changed to protect the guilty and the innocent. “I was accused so much of sleeping around until I was afraid to look at other people or touch (hug) them,” Shaunte said.  “I was told how to dress and I felt as though I was in a concentration camp.” Notice, in seeking maximum power and control, the perpetrator tries to undermine the very mind of the victim.  In this case, the perpetrator told lies to “cause” the victim to alter her behavior without being guilty of the crime. “He moved me away from my family so he could truly do as he wished.”  Notice how the victim seemed to “willingly” relocate while at the same time  “knowing” that the purpose was to further become the object of someone’s control.  Why not leave!  Why not tell someone the truth as you know it?  You see, by this point, domestic violence is working.  Rational people are no longer making rational decisions. Shaunte further testifies:  “Talk about being confused – he would apologize for beating me by making love, if that’s what it can be called.  He would also help put ice on the wounds he caused and say he was sorry,  but that’s what I made him do!” Notice: If you can “cause” a man to hit you – and that is his reason for beating you – you need to walk away from that relationship today. This is a man who needs to be reported to the church and the police. Why report to the church and police?  The church must know because every relationship the man is in needs to be heavily monitored.  If the church knows his history, it is less likely that he can offend again without anyone noticing the wicked patterns.  The police need to know for immediate accountability and a statewide record. “I delivered my son five weeks early, due to the stress of the abuse. He warned me that if we were not together, I better become a lesbian because he was not going to allow me to be with another man.” Notice: the victimization is so powerful that even the victim needs education.  Often the perpetrator is obligated to take classes and other forms of treatment, but what about the victim?  The victim’s will was broken. Many other incidents happened to Shaunte. The perpetrator sought to make her smoke crack cocaine, pistol-whipped her, shot her 14–year-old brother and many other gruesome acts too difficult to mention. Shaunte is a real person, a member of a real church.  She has three children who live with her and one who lives away and is a student at an academy.  Her church never knew her story until the pastor did a lesson on domestic violence. She came forward with her story, and the horror caused other women to come forward with theirs.  Churches need to do something today, or they are allowing the perpetrators in our communities to continue their abuse.